ADHDers Distaste for Dishonesty

Introduction

It’s not the just dishonesty from people, I am still incensed by fake news, misleading headlines or adverts, and other types of dishonesty. When someone calls me with an obvious scam, pretending to be from the Inland Revenue, my bank, or phone provider – rather than just hanging up, I start to lecture them about dishonesty and lying, and asking them to think about the type of person it makes them… they always hang up on me.

It wasn’t until I started my research project on ADHD that I learned this distaste for dishonesty was an ADHD trait. I first read about it in Dr Edward Hallowell’s Book ADHD 2.0 which covers how people with ADHD cannot stand hypocrisy and can spot it from a mile away. But then I found more and more evidence of it, from research and other materials about justice sensitivity, to comment threads on forums, to conversations with other people with ADHD. And so here, is what I have learned about ADHD and its distaste for dishonesty.

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Overview

For people with ADHD, the world often presents itself in stark contrasts of right and wrong, honest and dishonest. Many people with ADHD are not just sensitive to dishonesty but are deeply affected by it, feeling frustrated, hurt, and even betrayed when confronted with lies or hypocrisy. This sensitivity is intertwined with their heightened sense of justice, innate authenticity, and an idealistic view of the world – a combination that can impact their relationships, workplaces, and personal lives.

Dishonesty, whether outright lying or lying by omission, feels like a personal attack to people with ADHD. While being falsely accused of lying, is devastating for them. Both of these reactions are because honesty is such a cornerstone of their identity. But also, dishonesty has unique neurological impacts on the ADHD brain, further intensifying the emotional response.

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A Justice-Driven Mindset

ADHD minds often operate with a strong internal moral compass. Research has shown that many individuals with ADHD exhibit higher sensitivity to fairness and injustice, often linked to their emotional reactivity and heightened awareness (Asherson et al., 2017). This sense of justice is not just a social construct but appears to be tied to the way ADHD brains process emotions.

Dr. William Dodson has pointed out that ADHD individuals are particularly attuned to inconsistencies, which makes them quick to notice dishonesty or hypocrisy that others might overlook (ADDitude Magazine, 2019). This hyperawareness of that area, combined with a tendency toward black-and-white thinking (Hallowell & Ratey, 1994), means that dishonesty feels deeply unsettling. It represents a disruption of their idealised version of how the world should work, leading to emotional distress and frustration.

Dishonesty also taps into ADHD individuals’ sense of fairness, which researchers have connected to justice sensitivity – a trait strongly linked to emotional and cognitive processes in ADHD brains (Baumert et al., 2018).

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The Role of Authenticity

Authenticity is a defining trait of many people with ADHD. They are often described as “what you see is what you get” people, characterised by their openness and transparency (Barkley, 2020). This authenticity comes from an inability, or unwillingness, to mask their intentions.

This transparency, however, often leads them to project their own values onto others, assuming that the people around them are equally forthright (Saline, 2018). When others fail to meet these expectations, whether through outright lies, white lies, or omissions, it creates a profound sense of betrayal. This reaction is heightened by their idealistic worldview, which can make it difficult for them to reconcile dishonesty with their perception of how people should behave (Dodson, 2019).

The naivety that accompanies this worldview means that many people with ADHD struggle to anticipate or accept deception, leaving them especially vulnerable to betrayal (Hallowell & Ratey, 1994). As a result, discovering dishonesty can feel not only disappointing but personally wounding.

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The ADHD Brain and Dishonesty

The ADHD brain processes dishonesty differently due to its unique neurobiology. Emotional dysregulation, a hallmark of ADHD, is rooted in underactivity in the prefrontal cortex and amygdala, the areas responsible for emotional control and decision-making (Shaw et al., 2014). When confronted with dishonesty, these regions struggle to regulate the surge of emotional responses, making feelings of betrayal, confusion, and anger more intense.

In addition, the ADHD brain’s dopamine system plays a role. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter linked to motivation and reward, is critical for the brain’s function. Encounters with dishonesty disrupt this system by creating a mismatch between expectations (honesty) and reality (dishonesty), which causes distress (Brown, 2006). This internal conflict, known as cognitive dissonance, can feel almost unbearable for people with ADHD.

The hyperfocus often experienced by ADHD individuals can exacerbate this response. When they become fixated on understanding the dishonesty or reconciling the breach of trust, they may find it difficult to move past the event, leading to prolonged emotional distress (Dodson, 2019).

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The Emotional Impact of False Accusations

For people with ADHD, being falsely accused of lying is particularly painful. As children, this experience can leave lasting emotional scars, as they may already struggle with misunderstandings about their intentions (Saline, 2018). ADHD children often face accusations of dishonesty when they forget details, misremember events, or fail to follow through on tasks, symptoms of their condition that are frequently misinterpreted (Toplak et al., 2019).

Dr. Russell Barkley highlights in Taking Charge of ADHD that memory lapses and inconsistent recall are not intentional behaviours but byproducts of working memory deficits common in ADHD. These misunderstandings can lead to unfair accusations from parents, teachers, or peers, which the child internalises as a criticism of their character.

The emotional impact of such accusations can be profound. Children with ADHD often see honesty as a core part of their identity. Being labelled as dishonest feels not only unfair but deeply hurtful, leading to feelings of shame, confusion, and frustration. Over time, these experiences can contribute to hypervigilance about honesty, with many ADHD children growing into adults who overcompensate by owning up to mistakes, even those they didn’t commit, simply to avoid the appearance of dishonesty (CHADD, 2020).

Intentional lying is often avoided by ADHD people due to the emotional discomfort it causes. Dr. Edward Hallowell notes that the ADHD conscience is highly active, making deliberate deceit emotionally taxing and inconsistent with their core values (Driven to Distraction, 1994).

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The Wider Impact on Relationships

Sensitivity to dishonesty has significant implications for ADHD people in their relationships, workplaces, and personal lives. Marriages and friendships can be particularly affected when trust is broken, as ADHD individuals may struggle to forgive or forget dishonesty, even in minor matters. Their emotional memory, which retains the intensity of the original event, can make it difficult for them to move on (Shaw et al., 2014).

In professional settings, dishonesty among colleagues or supervisors can create an environment of mistrust and alienation. A white paper by ADDitude Magazine (2021) noted that adults with ADHD are more likely to disengage or experience burnout in workplaces where integrity is compromised.

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Turning Sensitivity into Strength

While their aversion to dishonesty can be challenging, it also has its advantages. Many people with ADHD become champions of integrity in their personal and professional lives. Their authenticity and strong moral compass inspire trust, making them invaluable friends, partners, and colleagues.

Developing coping mechanisms is essential for navigating a world where dishonesty exists. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) has been shown to help ADHD individuals manage their emotional responses to dishonesty and reframe their expectations (Knouse & Safren, 2010).

For people with ADHD, honesty is more than a virtue, it is a way of life. Their intense sensitivity to dishonesty reflects their justice-driven mindset, authentic nature, and idealistic worldview. While these traits can make dishonesty particularly painful, they also drive their commitment to integrity and fairness. By understanding and embracing this sensitivity, people with ADHD can use it as a force for good, creating deeper, more meaningful connections and standing as beacons of authenticity in a complex world.

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References:

1. Asherson, P., et al. (2017). “Emotional Dysregulation in ADHD: A Meta-Analytic Review.” Journal of Attention Disorders.
2. Barkley, R. A. (2020). Taking Charge of ADHD. Guilford Press.
3. Baumert, A., et al. (2018). “Justice Sensitivity and Interpersonal Trust.” Personality and Individual Differences.
4. Brown, T. E. (2006). Attention Deficit Disorder: The Unfocused Mind in Children and Adults. Yale University Press.
5. CHADD (2020). “Understanding ADHD Guilt.” CHADD Resource Centre.
6. Dodson, W. (2019). “The Emotional Side of ADHD.” ADDitude Magazine.
7. Hallowell, E., & Ratey, J. (1994). Driven to Distraction. Anchor Books.
8. Knouse, L. E., & Safren, S. A. (2010). “CBT for Adults with ADHD.” Psychiatric Clinics of North America.
9. Saline, S. (2018). What Your ADHD Child Wishes You Knew. TarcherPerigee.
10. 10. Shaw, P., et al. (2014). “Emotional Dysregulation and ADHD.” The American Journal of Psychiatry.
11. 11. Toplak, M. E., et al. (2019). “Memory Deficits in ADHD: Causes and Implications.” Neuropsychologia.
12. 12. ADDitude Magazine (2021). “The ADHD Workplace Experience.” ADDitude Magazine.